I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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