Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
