Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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