so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's Friday. Sex?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
