So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
