puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
