i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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