I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
