Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
