my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
did i just pee glitter
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
