he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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