I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
