i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
