I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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