She announced her abortion via fbk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
