I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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