My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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