if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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