Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
