if only i could text you this smell
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
