I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
