i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pooping to opera.
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