How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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