hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
