i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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