Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
