the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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