i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?