Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you would pick up someone in the library
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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