i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
