the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
