WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The Olympian is in my bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
