his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
