He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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