Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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