you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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