I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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