I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I won't apologize to a one balled man
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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