Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
