she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
