i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
