And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
