he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
