You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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