sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i've created a new STD.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I smell like Dick and happiness
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
