did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
