fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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