My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sext me about skeletons
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
