Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i think im in europe. pls send help
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
