my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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