Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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