just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
