Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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