i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
