If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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