So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
