he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
