you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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