you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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