i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
