You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize