her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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