My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
