it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize