if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
