Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
