The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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