Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize