Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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